失望是生活中正常的一部分，我們一再被教育必須忍受它，但並不總是承認它在精神上可能真的會令人崩潰。

失望可能與工作有關，可能與一段關係或一次糟糕的約會有關，或者是在日常生活中出現的失望。無論如何，失望是最自然的人類情緒之一，而很多人覺得難以管理。

「作為一名治療師，我明白失望對許多人來說可能具有挑戰性，因為它常常觸及更深層次的不足感、失落感和未達到期望的感覺，」婚姻和家庭治療師 Sandra Kushnir 說。

想出應對這種感覺的方法很重要，因為如果你不解決它，它可能會雪球般變大並導致更大的心理健康挑戰。「失望會動搖我們的自我控制感，引發可能導致焦慮、憤怒或悲傷的情緒反應，」Kushnir解釋道。

健康應對失望的方法

失望對每個人來說都很常見，然而它最好不要長期徘徊在我們的心中，我們也不希望失望成為我們的身份。管理失望的最佳方法之一是首先命名它。通過命名我們的失望，我們允許自己審視這些感覺的根源，這是一個人康復的開始。

建構良好的策略有助於減輕失望的感覺，積極的想法可以將失望轉化為改善自己在各個領域的動機，讓我們來看看在三個主要背景下處理失望感的一些建議：

在工作中的失望感

在工作場所，「失望可能源於未實現的職業目標、沒有得到晉升或感到不被欣賞，」Kushnir說。以下是我們可以做的調適：

承認情緒

首先，最重要的是，如果你正在處理與工作相關的失望，你不應該試圖推開你的感受，不要壓抑失望，去認識它。與朋友、配偶或值得信賴的同事分享，也有助於釐清你的感受。

設定合理的期望

減輕工作中失望的最好方法之一是設定合理的期望。我們總是希望自己做得更好，但是設立不合理的目標然後苛責自己，對心理健康並不是最好。最理想的是設定理性的目標，並在途中慶祝小小的成就，一步一步前進。

尋求反饋

先給自己時間冷靜下來並做好心理準備，但如果你犯了錯誤或得到負面反饋，最好與同事主管開放溝通，以了解如何從發生的事情中學習並向前發展，這可以幫助將挫折轉化為建設性的行動。

將被拒絕視為重新定向的機會

工作中最大的失望之一是失去工作。將這種挫折重新定義為成長機會，扭轉心態也就能改變現實。也許這份工作或機會不適合你，但這並不意味著未來沒有更好的東西在等著你。一旦你轉變了觀點，你就可以開始將失望視為一個新的和更好的機會。"

也要安慰自己

失望可能會釋放排山倒海的情緒。你可以安慰自己，感到沮喪是正常的，給自己一些時間來承認這些情緒。無論是與朋友交談、寫日記還是參與自我照顧活動，只要確保不要在失望中沉溺太久，並找到重新引導你的精力到積極的事物上的方法。

在關係中感到失望

當談到人際關係領域時，失望往往與未滿足的需求或期望有關，Kushnir說。以下是一些應對這種情況的建議。

開放溝通

溝通就是一切，當你在關係中感到失望時，盡快做到這一點。與你的伴侶分享你的感受，不要指責，或期待對方能猜到你的想法。誠實對話是培養相互理解的關鍵。

堅定地分享你的感受

當你與配偶或親人分享失望的感覺時，你要專注於盡可能清楚地分享你的感受。不要繞圈子或試圖減少你的感受。一個人堅定地表達他們的感受和需求可以避免任何可能出現的誤解或其他此類衝突」

設定現實的期望

通常，我們在關係中的失望源於對我們的伴侶應該是什麼樣子或我們的關係應該是什麼樣子的不切實際的期望。「認識到沒有完美的伴侶，有時，失望是未達到或不切實際期望的反映，」Kushnir 建議。她補充說，注意你的期望——並在需要時調整它們——可以減少緊張並改善整體的互動。

練習同理心

很容易陷入我們的伴侶沒有達到我們的期望的方式中，但一點同理心可以在理解伴侶和消除失望感方面走很長一段路。「理解你的伴侶可能有他們自己的挑戰和失望，」Kushnir 建議。「相互同理心可以幫助關係在困難時刻過後變得更強大。」

保護你的內在平靜

重要的是要認識到並非所有的失望都能得到解決，它們有時指向關係中更大的問題，如果你發現自己經常對某個人感到失望或被某個人辜負，可能是時候重新評估這段關係，看看它是否值得你花時間和精力，是否值得讓那些經常讓你失望的人進入你的生活。

在你的日常生活中

我們並不總能控制生活中出錯的事情。「生活中每天的失望——錯過的計劃和個人挫折——是不可避免的，」Kushnir說。但是有一些管理它們的方法，可以包括以下一些策略。

為情緒找到健康的出口

表達失望感的健康出口包括寫下你的感受，或與值得信賴的朋友或治療師交談。身體運動，如瑜伽、冥想，或是單純給自己的一點時間休息，可以幫助情緒調節和提高自尊。

練習感恩

練習感恩確實有助於將我們的心態從關注負面轉向欣賞積極面。每天花時間反思進展順利的事情或承認你感恩的事情。這將幫助你記住，即使面對失望，你的生活中仍然有好事。

失望是一種難以忍受的情緒。但如果你學會管理你的感受並將這種經歷視為成長的機會，最終這種經歷可以讓你變得更強大。「當個人能夠健康地處理失望時，他們會獲得情緒韌性，」Kushnir說。「關鍵是接受挫折是生活的一部分，並將它們用作適應和成長的動力。」

當然，應對失望並不總是你應該獨自做的事情。如果你需要一些額外的支持，請不要猶豫，儘快聯繫心理健康專業人士。

Source:

https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-disappointment-8715487

When Life Doesn't Go as Planned: Therapists' Tips for Overcoming Disappointment

Disappointment is a normal part of life, and we're repeatedly taught that we must endure it, but we don't always acknowledge how mentally crushing it can truly be.

Disappointment can be related to work, a relationship, a bad date, or it can appear in everyday life. Regardless, disappointment is one of the most natural human emotions, and many people find it difficult to manage.

"As a therapist, I understand that disappointment can be challenging for many people because it often touches on deeper feelings of inadequacy, loss, and unmet expectations," says Sandra Kushnir, a marriage and family therapist.

It's important to find ways to cope with this feeling because if you don't address it, it can snowball and lead to bigger mental health challenges. "Disappointment can shake our sense of self-control and trigger emotional responses that can lead to anxiety, anger, or sadness," Kushnir explains.

Healthy Ways to Deal with Disappointment

Disappointment is common for everyone, yet it's best not to let it linger in our hearts for long, and we don't want disappointment to become our identity. One of the best ways to manage disappointment is to first name it. By naming our disappointment, we allow ourselves to examine the root of these feelings, which is the beginning of recovery.

Well-structured strategies help alleviate feelings of disappointment, and positive thoughts can transform disappointment into motivation for self-improvement in various areas. Let's look at some suggestions for dealing with feelings of disappointment in three main contexts:

Disappointment at Work

In the workplace, "disappointment can stem from unrealized career goals, not getting a promotion, or feeling unappreciated," says Kushnir. Here are some adjustments we can make:

Acknowledge Your Emotions

First and foremost, if you're dealing with work-related disappointment, you shouldn't try to push away your feelings. Don't suppress disappointment; recognize it. Sharing with friends, spouse, or trusted colleagues can also help clarify your feelings.

Set Realistic Expectations

One of the best ways to alleviate disappointment at work is to set reasonable expectations. We always hope to do better, but setting unrealistic goals and then criticizing ourselves isn't best for mental health. Ideally, set rational goals and celebrate small achievements along the way, moving forward step by step.

Seek Feedback

Give yourself time to calm down and prepare mentally, but if you've made a mistake or received negative feedback, it's best to communicate openly with colleagues and supervisors to understand how to learn from what happened and move forward. This can help transform frustration into constructive action.

View Rejection as Redirection

One of the biggest disappointments at work is losing a job. Redefining this setback as a growth opportunity can change your mindset and, in turn, reality. Maybe this job or opportunity wasn't right for you, but that doesn't mean there isn't something better waiting for you in the future. Once you change your perspective, you can start to see disappointment as a chance for something new and better.

Comfort Yourself

Disappointment can release overwhelming emotions. You can reassure yourself that feeling upset is normal, and give yourself some time to acknowledge these emotions. Whether it's talking with friends, journaling, or engaging in self-care activities, just make sure not to dwell on disappointment for too long, and find ways to redirect your energy to positive things.

Feeling Disappointed in Relationships

When it comes to interpersonal relationships, disappointment is often related to unmet needs or expectations, says Kushnir. Here are some suggestions for dealing with these situations:

Open Communication

Communication is everything. When you feel disappointed in a relationship, do this as soon as possible. Share your feelings with your partner without blame, and don't expect the other person to guess your thoughts. Honest dialogue is key to fostering mutual understanding.

Share Your Feelings Assertively

When sharing feelings of disappointment with a spouse or loved one, focus on expressing your feelings as clearly as possible. Don't beat around the bush or try to minimize your feelings. Assertively expressing one's feelings and needs can prevent any possible misunderstandings or other such conflicts.

Set Realistic Expectations

Often, our disappointments in relationships stem from unrealistic expectations of what our partner should be like or what our relationship should look like. "Recognize that no partner is perfect, and sometimes, disappointment is a reflection of unmet or unrealistic expectations," Kushnir suggests. She adds that paying attention to your expectations—and adjusting them when needed—can reduce tension and improve overall interaction.

Practice Empathy

It's easy to get caught up in how our partners haven't met our expectations, but a little empathy can go a long way in understanding a partner and dissolving feelings of disappointment. "Understand that your partner may have their own challenges and disappointments," Kushnir suggests. "Mutual empathy can help the relationship grow stronger after difficult moments."

Protect Your Inner Peace

It's important to recognize that not all disappointments can be resolved, and they sometimes point to bigger problems in the relationship. If you find yourself constantly feeling disappointed or let down by someone, it might be time to reassess the relationship and see if it's worth your time and energy, whether it's worth letting those who frequently disappoint you into your life.

In Your Daily Life

We can't always control what goes wrong in life. "Life's everyday disappointments—missed plans and personal setbacks—are inevitable," says Kushnir. But there are ways to manage them, which can include some of the following strategies.

Find Healthy Outlets for Emotions

Healthy outlets for expressing feelings of disappointment include writing down your feelings or talking with a trusted friend or therapist. Physical activities like yoga, meditation, or simply giving yourself some time to rest can help regulate emotions and boost self-esteem.

Practice Gratitude

Practicing gratitude indeed helps shift our mindset from focusing on the negative to appreciating the positive. Take time each day to reflect on things that went well or acknowledge things you're grateful for. This will help remind you that there's still good in your life, even when faced with disappointments.

Disappointment is a difficult emotion to bear. But if you learn to manage your feelings and view this experience as an opportunity for growth, ultimately, this experience can make you stronger. "When individuals can healthily process disappointment, they gain emotional resilience," says Kushnir. "The key is to accept that setbacks are part of life and use them as motivation to adapt and grow."

Of course, dealing with disappointment isn't always something you should do alone. If you need some extra support, don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional as soon as possible.